A Letter to Ex

Dear Ex,

For three years now, you still cross my mind. Despite the long years, I still haven't forgotten you.  No matter how hard I tried to deal with my past, I still have feelings for you. But you know what is worst, the feeling when you needed that person so badly and you expect that he will come back, still hoping that he also can't afford to lose you; but sad to say, those days when you are in pain, crying out loud for him, those where the days when  he has moved on and forgotten about you.And worst is, it seems that you haven't even bother to think of me. And the most painful feeling of all is knowing that when i was lost and in pain, you were happy living your life. And me, I am still at lost. Though, I am still the same person you met. The only difference is I am a lost soul now trying hard to move on with my life. I've lost so many things when you decided to hurt me.  I have so much trust in you even when  you are a mere stranger. And I guess, you will always remain a stranger. But you are the only stranger who taught me to love and to hate. The stranger who taught me to believe and to doubt. The stranger who made me whole and left me with deep wound that will always leave a scar. I told myself that if one day our path will cross, I will be a different person. A different person that will make you realize you were wrong of choosing to hurt me. But its always easy to say... How can I? If I am still stuck in this mess? I could not let you go. Maybe because you are the only memory I had. How I'd wish I can find someone who can put back that smile on my face. Someone who can make me feel so special and loved. You know that feeling like you don't care about other people but the only thing that matters is you and him. Someone who will be the reason why you smile in the morning and the reason why you are still breathing. I also want someone to feel that way for me (sigh). I want to feel that again. I lost so many things when you hurt me. And now, I don't know those feelings anymore. I want to hate you but how can I... I know deep inside me, I hate it but I can't totally hate you for reasons I can't explain. I hate myself for that. God knows I tried hard to forget you. Still, there is a part of me that is missing and only you can find it.You have been a part of me that is hard to erase.

How I wish love is just a simple game to play. But I guess, love will always be complicated. And maybe, it's meant and created that way so that we will learn to appreciate its beauty. But I am ready to fall in love again. I know it will not be easy but still, I want to experience to live, to love and be loved.

Moving on,

The girl you played



* I found this letter in an isolated area and I wish to share this to you knowing that maybe you can relate or know the feeling.

Some Lessons on Love

I wish love will last forever...
I will hold on to every moment I have with you...
I am counting on time not to take you away from me...
From now on and forever, I will cherish the love you gave me.

1. It is a perfect feeling when you love and you are loved in return.

2. Always trust your instinct.

3. Man are like hunters, they get excited and challenged when they earned you in a hard way. Men  get bored when you easily succumb to them. They will lose interest on you  after they get what they want easily.

4. If you want to have a happy and long lasting relationship, get to know  and love yourself first. And love will follow...

5. Remember that you don't have to please anyone. You will get tired of doing it and end up unhappy.

6. Sometimes you need to let go of the person to see if he is willing to win you back.  Others also need to let go in order to find themselves. Or you just need to let go because it is not going to work.

7. When you are in love, everything seems possible. But know that possibility is just a word, and change is a permanent thing.

8. When you are in love, your world revolves around that person. Bad thing about this is, you forgot that you also have your own life that you take for granted.

9. I don't understand why some people always love the wrong person. Even if they have been hurt many times and repeatedly, still they like the feeling of being hurt. And that is not love at all (no-no).

10. In life, you also need to say "no" and "stop" when you feel like too much has taken its toll on you.

11. It is hard to let go of someone. But trust me, time will come that you will be fine (even better than you are now).

12. When someone breaks your heart, you never thought that someone can hurt you that way, despite the fact that you have given everything.

13. There is no perfect relationship. And perfect people are just not existing. You have to learn to live with their imperfections to make it work if it is worth saving for .

14. When I was a child, I thought prince charming is real. Now that I am adult, I can't  even find one. This is maybe because, I believe too much in fairy tales of "happily ever after".

15. Love is a mysterious thing. If someone is meant to knock on your door, he will.  And when you open it, you become head over heels, lose you composure and fall hard. Your normal world will become abnormal. This time you don't understand why you laugh, smile, cry and worry about someone -stranger. That butterfly in your tummy explains that it feels right to be with this someone. And it could be love.

16. Don't believe that men don't lie. It is the contrary.

17. I don't know if it is destiny that will keep us together, or choice that will set us apart.

18. Don't trust a man when he says he loves you when he hardly even know you.

19.Don't chase for love, let it chase you.

20. Ever wonder why other girls (not so pretty and sexy) have many suitors? This is because some girls are friendly and not flirty. If you want to be one of the those chased by guys, be yourself (don't pretend) and build up your self-esteem. It takes confidence and wit to attract a man. Also, when you love yourself, people will love you too.

Reminisce on Rainy Day

It is always raining nowadays and my thoughts have been drifted far away. I cannot concentrate and cannot think clearly. My thoughts have always been disturbed by the memories of your ghost.

I wonder where you are now. I wonder whom you are with. I wonder what you are doing. I wonder what you look like now. I wonder what my life would have been with you...                                                                  
I wonder..

It is silly to know that I am missing you sometime. Its been two years now, yet it seems like yesterday.             

It was raining on November 13. We met in an unexpected time and place. You look so gloomy. I wonder why you look so sad. My friend introduced me to you. I said  "hi". That was the beginning of our love story. I never thought that it will just end in "goodbyes".

I guess that was the introduction of our love story. Just like other stories, the best part is not the beginning nor the ending; it is between the beginning and ending. Sometimes I wish that it was only "hi".The face of the man I used to love so dearly, so gloomy that I wanted to take that burden from you if only I could. Or wanted to share that burden so that it won't be too heavy to carry. I guess, I have played that part anyway. That part was the best part yet, the most painful! It never crossed my mind that if I share your burden or carry your burden, who will carry mine? Who is willing to catch me when I fall?

When it really hurts, I  close my eyes and wish that I have never met you! I wish that I can turn back time when I was young, naive and whole.  The time when I am always curious of true love and fairy tales. I believe so much in this fantasy. It makes me happy and free. I have always anticipate that perfect moment to come, that  I will finally meet my Prince Charming.

Everything changed when you came. I have felt the magic and the world seems to move so fast that I am afraid that time will steal you away from me. I felt that indescribable feeling of fleeting in the clouds when I am with you. I can't hide my smiles and twinkling eyes. It was such a perfect feeling at that time.

But there also goes the saying that there is no permanent in this world. The fear that time will steal you away from me became a reality. I hated time so much! But I also realized that time gave me the opportunity to cherish that perfect moment of "being in love".

I wonder why love is too painful to take. That you have to cry in order to feel the pain. But sometimes, when it is really painful, you cannot shed a single tear. I don't know why. Who won't get tired of crying? Maybe the heart and mind became numb already.That there is no more tears to cry.

Maybe that's apathy. Like after you care so much, after you love so much ,after you cry so much and grieve so much ; there's no room for anything anymore.It's really not advisable to give to much. But others say that if you love, you have to give it all so that you won't have regrets.  I don't think so...

Maybe we are really meant to get hurt...maybe we are meant to meet other people, good or bad... maybe we are meant to find that right person someday... I think it is not bad to hope even a little and to hope for the person to brighten our day like rainbow--after every rainy days. Someone who is willing to catch me when I fall. But I don't want it to be you. I am moving on....

The man I love or the man who loves me?

Who will you choose : the one who loves you or the one you love?

Love  makes the world go round. 

It makes your world full of hope, faith and happiness, granted that the love relationship you have is working great. 

You really can feel butterflies in your stomach. 

I believe that love is so powerful. 

It brings us to the world of fairy tales. However, in love, it is not always a happy ending.

If a person is caught between two lovers, there is a difficulty in choosing whom to love. 

For instance, you love someone so much but he/she does not love you the way you have loved him/her. 

So are you going to stick with him even though it hurts?

 Or  choose the one who love you ,despite the fact that you never really love the person?

It is not easy to choose between the two.

The scenario differs in a man and woman.

Man loves differently. They don't fall easily compared with the women. Women are gentle that whatever the man does like pursuing her, she will eventually fall on his charm. While in man, there should be a foundation of friendship so that he will fall hard for you.

Still, it is very difficult to choose.

 We cannot force love.

What we can do is let it grow and just be the person to be loved.

Time will  come that love will find its way to where it belongs.

We should not push things for it will cause pain and heartaches.

Trust and believe  in yourself !

Someday all the pain will go away.

Someday all the fears will vanish.

One day, someone will appear to complete you!

There is a Rainbow always after the Rain

Why do we continue to love, despite the sleepless nights and puffy eyes in the morning- shall i say 3 days, 4 weeks, 5 months or even a year? Oh, common, get rid of it!  What are you saying, 

"it's over"?... Others, will just vanish not knowing where they are or happily living with the one they truly love--what about me? Did he really love me? Or  was it just a game? Then, you wait and wait...

When you realize that  he/she is not coming back, you just accept the fact that you are so naive to trust and to cling on to the belief that he'll / she'll come back. It will really cause a pain in the a**.  Admit it or not, you will always feel bad, cheated, abandoned, rejected, and all the emotional turbulence will just banging on your door. You can finally say that , "this is the real world.

It is really crazy. Despite the fact that you will be hurt again,  you still can't resist that passion that's burning inside you to love and be loved. Yes, It is true.. 

All you need is to learn to be wise and to play it right. You also have to trust your instinct and mom. And you know the best part? It is to pray for the right person to come.

Good luck and keep on loving!