August 06, 2013

A Letter to Ex

Dear Ex,

For three years now, you still cross my mind. Despite the long years, I still haven't forgotten you.  No matter how hard I tried to deal with my past, I still have feelings for you. But you know what is worst, the feeling when you needed that person so badly and you expect that he will come back, still hoping that he also can't afford to lose you; but sad to say, those days when you are in pain, crying out loud for him, those where the days when  he has moved on and forgotten about you.And worst is, it seems that you haven't even bother to think of me. And the most painful feeling of all is knowing that when i was lost and in pain, you were happy living your life. And me, I am still at lost. Though, I am still the same person you met. The only difference is I am a lost soul now trying hard to move on with my life. I've lost so many things when you decided to hurt me.  I have so much trust in you even when  you are a mere stranger. And I guess, you will always remain a stranger. But you are the only stranger who taught me to love and to hate. The stranger who taught me to believe and to doubt. The stranger who made me whole and left me with deep wound that will always leave a scar. I told myself that if one day our path will cross, I will be a different person. A different person that will make you realize you were wrong of choosing to hurt me. But its always easy to say... How can I? If I am still stuck in this mess? I could not let you go. Maybe because you are the only memory I had. How I'd wish I can find someone who can put back that smile on my face. Someone who can make me feel so special and loved. You know that feeling like you don't care about other people but the only thing that matters is you and him. Someone who will be the reason why you smile in the morning and the reason why you are still breathing. I also want someone to feel that way for me (sigh). I want to feel that again. I lost so many things when you hurt me. And now, I don't know those feelings anymore. I want to hate you but how can I... I know deep inside me, I hate it but I can't totally hate you for reasons I can't explain. I hate myself for that. God knows I tried hard to forget you. Still, there is a part of me that is missing and only you can find it.You have been a part of me that is hard to erase.

How I wish love is just a simple game to play. But I guess, love will always be complicated. And maybe, it's meant and created that way so that we will learn to appreciate its beauty. But I am ready to fall in love again. I know it will not be easy but still, I want to experience to live, to love and be loved.

Moving on,

The girl you played

* I found this letter in an isolated area and I wish to share this to you knowing that maybe you can relate or know the feeling.